I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
