So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
