Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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