Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
