U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
