I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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