She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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