took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
