I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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