Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
