shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
