My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
