That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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