Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
