There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
if only i could text you this smell
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
So here I am, sexting at work.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
