i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
