have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
you inspire me to be a worse person
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
