i don't plan on having that self control this summer
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
