does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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