I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
