I'm lost and stupid without you.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
