sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
it wasn't lemon gatorade
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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