why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
