I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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