I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
