I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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