My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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