I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Randomize
