I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
