Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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