I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
