I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
