Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
