I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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