i permit you to call me
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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