I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
