I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
