I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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