My nipple is on Facebook.
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
