mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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