CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
