I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
