I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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