Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
