YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
