the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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