Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
