just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
