He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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