none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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