love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
