awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Holy shit dude........stairs
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
